plz talk dirty to me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
