I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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