Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
