i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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