drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
