i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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