I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
