I wish i was in the wii world.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Everclear isn't food dammit
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
