they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
