You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
