areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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