i think my tv is drunk
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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