He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
