Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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