new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
