Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
