i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
