i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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