My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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