guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
