I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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