I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
