I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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