I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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