Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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