If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
