I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
