omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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