Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
