Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I want her autograph on my taint
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
