...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
