not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You took a bar mat shot.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
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