every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
cat food counts as protein by the way
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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