so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I am naked and annoyed.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
