Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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