dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
