Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
