He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I need to align my fucking chakras
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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