just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
