Nicole vs. Life
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
