I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
