i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
