Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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