Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
