i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
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