loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
