i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
they're like a gay fantastic four
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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