whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
