You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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