why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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