Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
