3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
