I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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