I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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